In the past few months I’ve taken to watching Slice TV’s lineup of “reality” wedding shows (Wedding SOS and Rich Bride, Poor Bride on a regular basis and Bulging Brides on the odd occasion that I feel like my self esteem might be getting just a bit too healthy) because – who’s kidding who – I enjoy TV wedding porn as much as I do the online variety. And, no, I don’t mean anything unsavoury or that you couldn’t watch with your Grannie or a toddler in the room. I just mean the pages upon pages of wedding photos one can find online to either A) drool over & covet, B) discard in peals of laughter, or C) glean fabulous ideas.
The general brattiness & self-centered “I want, I want, I want”-iness of the majority of the featured Brides (and – let’s be fair – Grooms) on these shows makes me want to cringe and avoid the mere mention of my own wedding. Honestly, my biggest fear is being lumped in with some of these princesses (again – meant as an entirely non-gender-specific insult). How did some of these couples manage to even forge a relationship with another human being, never mind take it to the point of walking down the aisle? The self-absorption is pretty outstanding. Well done, talent scouts… you’re made of hardier stuff than I.
One of the things that strikes me as incredibly odd (and this is more than likely the production company’s choice of ‘star’ than it is brides in general) are the number of women who pay no heed to the cost of anything. In other words, if they want it – they must have it: price be damned. More puzzling, to me, are the number of women there seem to be who aren’t shelling out any cash of their own and who are leaving the distasteful matter of money entirely in the hands of their doting parents or their befuddled groom-to-be.
Watching these shows really puts the entire wedding planning process into perspective for me. I’ve learned that people lose their ever loving minds while putting together their (presumably) blissful day. Ordinary folk who probably read flyers when they land on their doorstep, watch for sales and may even clip grocery store coupons on occasion, flip their proverbial wigs when making purchases for their wedding.
One episode (of Rich Bride, Poor Bride I’m almost certain; I PVR them all, so they tend to blur together after a while) showcased a girl who paid $500 for the tiara she wore. Really? I thought paying over $100 seemed like madness (I didn’t, incidentally, but that’s another post.) Another highlighted a couple who dished out close to $2,000 on a cake. Honesty, does anyone even EAT the cake when they go to a wedding? Seems like pretty pricey prop for your photo album. Oh – and, my personal favourite: a girl who paid $600 for her veil. Her VEIL! $600! DOLLARS! Are you kidding me!? The pricetag on my dress wasn’t much more than that. Mind you, I did buy it at a boutique’s outlet store AND off-the-rack. But that’s how I roll.
So, thank you Slice TV – and spoiled Brides & Grooms everywhere – for teaching a valuable lesson in what NOT to do during this entire experience. I’m really beginning to feel rather virtuous and – I won’t lie – just a wee bit smug.

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